“Before the truth can set you free, you need to recognize which lie is holding you hostage.”
Being in a relationship with someone who is emotionally unavailable can be painful and distressing, as it is often impossible to reach out to your partner. The root of the problem lies in a lack of empathy, which can make them evade conversations by creating excuses, or avoid talking about key issues pertaining to the relationship.
Unfortunately, you may find your partner overtly critical or frequently angry, which can create a distance between you two. It is normal to feel isolation and rejection due to this, as facing negligence can be emotionally very difficult. In most cases, women complain about emotionally unavailable men, but many don’t realize they’re emotionally unavailable as well. So whether as a man or a woman, it is important to not be in denial of your own unavailability too.
Types of Unavailability
Unavailability can be of two kinds: temporary and chronic.
Certain people, owing to psychological conditions or a history of childhood trauma, have always been unavailable. For others, education, health, family obligations and other factors may take precedence over a relationship. People recently divorced or widowed may temporarily not be ready to get involved with someone new. There are others who fear risking emotional attachment and love owing to being hurt by one or more relationships, which may include a fragmented relationship with parents. Reasons for emotional unavailability may overlap at times, contributing to the person’s detachment. In many cases it is difficult to determine if the problem is chronic or temporary.
Commitment does not come easy and there may be several reasons that might inhibit the person. For example, a person living in another state or someone who is married or still in love with someone else. Similarly, people prone to addictions as well as those with stressful jobs can be unavailable because other factors consume most of their time. Some people may give the illusion of being available by discussing their feelings and their past, but might not be ready or willing to make the emotional commitment required in a relationship.
Spotting someone Emotionally Unavailable
Here are a few warning signs that may signal unavailability, especially when several add up. They are applicable for everyone, regardless of gender.
Emotional availability is usually revealed early on. Don’t be blind to signs even if the person seems apparently perfect. If they turn out emotionally unavailable, you’ll left with nothing but pain. If you ignore or be in denial about short-term disappointment, you risk enduring long-term misery.
It is equally necessary that you are honest about your own emotional availability.
Here are a few questions you should consider.
Many a times we are left with a lot of pain and confusion due to such relationships. If you feel you are struggling to cope, do not hesitate to contact a professional for some support.