An open letter to anyone dealing with a breakup

November 30,2016 By: Mansi poddar

I love being in love. I love being a woman. I love everything that comes with being a woman in love. The highs, the romance, the fantasies, passion, the idea of how it will all turn out. In fact, I even married into fantasy once. But like all fantasies and tales, this one came to a screeching, messy, heart ripping, blood gushing, tonsil squelching end.

It didn’t only bring me to my knees,but it ripped out my soul and left me gasping for breath on the floor. Oh the rose red romance of youth! A break up may lead us to second guess ourselves, our usual confidence loses it fizz and self esteem hits rock bottom. Some of the things that may hit us after a particularly tough breakup can go something like this:

Will I ever be the same?
No and that’s a good thing. If we stayed the same we’d probably make the same mistakes again and again. Desire evolution and growth not stagnation. These are life signposts that move us. You choose where you go. Bitter and shut off, or open, stronger and wiser( it’s possible after a breakup, I promise)

What will people think of me?

Pain plants seeds of doubt in our mind. I mean does it REALLY matter what anyone thinks? Heck, I feel like a cricket bat whacked me on the head, people’s opinions just don’t matter!

“Allow me the strength and wisdom to be my own mistress, not defined by the expectations of others.” – Kathryn Budig

No matter how pure, sensible or judgmental someone’s opinion is, it really doesn’t matter. No one understands what you go through, so unless the person is empathetic and supportive, it not worth adding to your  woes. It doesn’t matter if people throw tomatoes at your head or flowers at your feet, they will never experience what you are experiencing.

Will I ever feel better?

Yes Yes and Yes! It’s an arduous, stone filled, deep craters, funny critters kind of journey. There will be good days and bad days. Slowly once the alcohol and aimless sex haze wears off, you can start the inner work required for healing and moving on.

Could I have done something to preserve the relationship?

Have you not tried? Remember it takes two not one. Even if you did your best, what also matters is what the other person put in. What did they bring to the relationship? And if you didn’t do anything, the breakup won’t hurt this much either.

I will never love anyone this way again.

Yes,every person brings out a different side in you. Agreed you will never have the same relationship. But will you never feel for anyone? That is probably not true. Maybe it will be a more mellow love, maybe it will be safer, softer, or maybe it will be laden with dollops of passion, romance, and the familiar pain of passionate love. Our work after a breakup is to re-open our hearts and face living.