Abuse, in any form, is morally and psychologically draining for the survivor, not to mention the impact on their emotions and body. However, what they end up hearing from their “sympathizers”, albeit from a good place, can do more harm than good.
What they need, when sharing these experiences, is support, someone who stands in their corner.
Few statements that might do more harm than good –
“Victims provoke their partners’ violence” – this puts all the responsibility and burden on the victim. The use of violence is never justifiable or acceptable.
“They should have left their abuser. Why did they continue to stay?” – many factors prevent victims from leaving abusive relationships. Fear, coercion, lack of financial/social resources, threats, gender roles, all influence their decision making.
“Domestic violence is a momentary loss of temper or anger issues” – it is never about just a temporary lapse of judgement. The abuser consciously decides to abuse their power, establish control and avenge. It is often done with the motive to demean, dehumanize and put someone in their place.