Mansi Poddar- Trauma Informed Psychotherapist Working Globally

psychotherapist in India by Mansi Poddar

Estrangement-the choice to distance or disconnect from one's family-is rarely spoken about in Indian households. It's seen as unthinkable, shameful, or even selfish. In a culture where family is considered sacred and duty to parents is emphasized from childhood, the idea that a person might choose separation for their mental or emotional well-being is deeply taboo.
But the truth is, estrangement exists in Indian families. It exists behind closed doors, in unspoken silences, in the distance between relatives who no longer communicate. And for many, it is not a decision taken lightly-but one made after years of emotional neglect, abuse, enmeshment, or repeated boundary violations.

Why Estrangement Happens

Indian family systems are often collectivist in nature, which can bring closeness and support-but can also foster control, guilt, and emotional dependency. Many adult children find themselves burdened by expectations to sacrifice personal freedom, relationships, or even mental health in order to please or protect their families.
Some common reasons for estrangement include:
- Emotional or physical abuse during childhood
- Toxic patterns of control or manipulation
- Rejection due to personal choices (career, marriage, sexuality)
- Lack of respect for boundaries or autonomy
- Ongoing gaslighting or emotional invalidatio

When attempts at communication, therapy, or boundary-setting fail, some people choose distance as a last resort. It is not an act of revenge-it is an act of survival

The Cultural Silence Around Estrangement

In Indian culture, estrangement is rarely acknowledged with compassion. Those who step away from family ties are often labeled as "ungrateful" or "spoiled." There is immense social pressure to forgive and forget, to keep the family image intact, and to prioritize harmony over truth.

This silence causes deep grief. Estranged individuals not only mourn the loss of connection-they also carry the burden of cultural shame and isolation. They often have no language to explain their decision, and no community to hold their pain

Healing the Wound

Estrangement does not always mean forever. Sometimes it's temporary space to heal and reflect.
Other times, it is permanent. Either way, healing is possible.
- Give yourself permission to grieve. Estrangement is a loss
-even if it was necessary.
- Seek validation and support from therapists, peer groups, or chosen family.
- Reclaim your story. You are not selfish for protecting your peace.
- Explore forgiveness-not as a requirement, but as a personal journey.
- Know that reconciliation, if it happens, must include accountability and change

Final Thoughts

Estrangement may be taboo, but it is not rare-and it is not wrong. It is a complex, often painful decision rooted in a desire for emotional safety and self-respect. In breaking the silence around this topic, we create space for honesty, healing, and healthier relationships.
No one owes unconditional closeness at the cost of their well-being. Sometimes, the most loving thing you can do-for yourself and others-is to step away
Disclaimer- the narrations are not based on a particular persons life. They are the descriptions of how trauma and healing manifest in first person voice.

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